WISHING YOU A MERRY PRESIDENTS DAY
The Marvin Kitman Show
What a gift to the nation the Senate has given us to celebrate on this so-called Presidents Day (or is it President’s Day?)!
Originally, the third Monday in the month of February had been enshrined as “Washington’s Birthday,” a most sacred day in the canon of calendar patriotism, along with such causes of national celebration as Super Bowl Sunday and Oscar Night.
An artifice concocted by the Congress back in the days (1968) when the legislative branch did things before the invention of the Do-Nothing Congress, which judging by what it does today (conducting impeachment trials) is better advised to do nothing.
Instead of traditional Washington’s Birthday white sales, what most people remember about the first president today, we now honor the birthdays of all previous occupants of the White House.
By definition, that includes the most recent miserable miscreant, misguided monstrosity of a political process that had run amuck, a man who was more qualified to be in the Big House instead of the White House.
Where George Washington is remembered as first in war, first in peace, first in expense account writing, worthy of a singular day of veneration, ex-President What’s His Name, as he is blessedly known in my house, will be remembered as first in lying, first in groping, first in paying off strippers he claimed not to even know, first in using the Oval Office as a piggy bank in profiting from public service, first in being a friend of our enemies, the Russians.
It had taken we the people some 232 years to elect 44 of the previous occupants of the highest office in the land to finally get one (#45) that had been impeached not once but twice —in the same year — and beaten the rap both times!
MAGA hats off to those constitutional scholars, the 43 Republican senators who supported the theory that there was nothing impeachable about inciting an insurrection, a laurel handed out for a disgraced disaster of a president just in time for this President’s Day Weekend.
I didn’t watch the second Impeachment Trial on TV as much as I should. As the late great Ronald Reagan, our first actor-president, said about another American institution “If you’ve seen one redwood, you’ve seen them all.”
As sad as it made my left wing friends seeing the last president crowing like an orange-headed rooster atop the shining dung hill that the executive branch had become under the 45th president, exonerated for his contribution to the events of January 6, the farce made a lot of people happy, including the 74.2 million members of the lunatic fringe who voted for him in 2020.
I’m not a constitutional scholar, although I may write like one, but attention need be paid to the ¾ of Republican voters who the latest polls say agree the defeated candidate had been robbed, despite getting seven million fewer votes.
As a Marxist (Groucho), I believe in the constitutional dialectic, “Who ya gonna believe, me or your own eyes.”
Once again I was impressed by the courage of those brave cowards, the gang of 43 Republican senators weighing the evidence for three days with open minds. In their case, it meant they were open at both ends.
Watching the pictures of their Capitol being sacked by those Sons of Liberty, the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers and just average dumb right wing extremists, they showed all the emotion of those cardboard fan cutouts in the seats during football and baseball this pandemic season.
So what if QAnon freedom fighters bashed the heads of Capitol police with fire extinguishers!
So what if they threatened the life of the Vice President, the man who served for four years as a sheep in sheep’s clothing for a president who violated all of his Christian moral and ethical principles! “Hang Pence” will live in the annals with
“I have only one life to give to my country.”
So what if the last president had done more damage to American democracy than the Rosenbergs serving as Putin’s puppet in the Oval Office as Agent Orange!’
It would have been consolation to this disappointed pundit if President What’s His Name had been acquitted on grounds that he didn’t know right from wrong, that he was only guilty of what was once ruled in Victorian legal terms, of “unsound mind.”
As evidence, citing his 62 baseless legal suits claiming election fraud, stoking the passions of the brainless idiots under the delusion you could still win elections with seven million less votes.
The kangaroo court certifying what might some day be known as the Trump Exceptionalism in constitutional law, that there is nothing wrong for “incurable madness” as a qualification for the presidency might be Number 45’s greatest contribution to American political process.
Thank you for your service, distinguished members of the right wing nut case wing of the Republican Party.
And have a nice President’s Day, sirs.
Marvin Kitman
February 15, 2021
Marvin Kitman is co-author of “George Washington’s Expense Account “ by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman, PFC (Ret.)
Brilliant, Marvin. I love it. :-)