Trumponicles: The Last Days, Part 2

If it were up to me, I would slap the cuffs on the former president as soon as he gets off the red carpet on Wednesday.

True, it would be an unorthodox way to end four years of service to the nation. But everything connected to the 45th president’s time in the Oval Office has been a little irregular.

A person is guilty, we have learned from years of studying jurisprudence on cable TV news, until proven innocent. This is especially the case of a man who has a perp sheet of more high, medium and low crimes and misdemeanors than any president in our history.

By the time the sound of the 21-gun salute has ended, I hope   they also have taken away the keys to the family vehicle. The proper authorities must make it eminently clear that Air Farce One can no longer be used to fly him to an afternoon of golfing at his club in New Jersey, and other abuses of federal property, legendary in his first term as the vacationer-in-chief.

They say he and the no longer First Family will be flying to Florida to begin his exile in his Mar a Largo resort converted to a private residence, a redecoration by Melania which he hates because of a reduction in gold-guilt.

Turning the fantabulous Mar a Largo into an old age retirement home for a disgraced impeached president home has created local grumbling. “There goes the neighborhood,” Palm Beach neighbors are complaining. County officials also are reminding the great dealmaker he is in violation of agreement not to use the club as a private residence in exchange for juicy tax breaks.

For all the Palm Beach authorities know our thrown-out-of-office-by-a-crooked-election leader may have left an executive order in his desk turning his private club into a National Parks Historical Monument, like Grant’s Tomb, as an official senior citizens assisted living home for twice-impeached disgraced presidents.

Without the neighbors with pitchforks and protester signs (“GO HOME TO WHEREVER YOU CAME FROM “) the Trump clan would find a more happy residence with less hostility in a trailer park, of which there are a few in Florida.

Not that I don’t trust him.  Actually, I don’t. He has been known not to always speak the truth.

Who knows where the Lyin’ King and his royal family will be going when they gas up the old buggy Wednesday? There was the mysterious trip of last week, for example.

For four days, after inciting the now famous Insurrection, the   unpresident was totally silent. Was he holed up in the White House bunker searching his soul, fasting, or otherwise meditating on his involvement in the worst thing to happen to our capitol since the British invasion of 1812?

Suddenly, we learned he had flown to pay his respects to a section of the Great Trump Wall on the Southern border. The purpose of the trip was to autograph a piece of the promised   1,000 mile barrier—only 100 miles or so having actually been built, a reason why he needed four more years—with the official presidential sharpie.

I realize that wall is an important part of his legacy, along with being the first to discover the Trump Flu, which already has killed 400,000 Americans, the first to encourage not wearing the mask and unsafe social distancing at mass campaign rallies, first in developing a Warp Speed vaccine that is getting into arms with the speed of a snail.

As Air Farce One takes off Wednesday, how do we know it will not be heading to Uzbekistan or any other nation without an extradition treaty with USA USA that would welcome the prestige of being the capitol of an exiled twice-impeached American president? He needs a Shangri La, with the serenity of a people’s republic where crooked president’s can serve for life, and opponents throw themselves off roofs at election time, a place were our late president can continue to brainwash –and dry – his supporters who still agree he was robbed. 

A source of inspiration to young Americans who want to be a crooked president when they grow up so they can profit by public service, the former president will still be a nightly presence on the fake news facing all the people he said he would see in court: 3,500, according to James D. Zirin’s authoritative   book, “Plaintiff in Chief.”

Aside from adding his name to the TSA’s “No Fly List,” I would further suggest the proper authorities check the silver in the East Wing as the First Family leaves the White House Wednesday.

Marvin Kitman
January 18, 2021

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