SHOULD HE BE IN THE SLAMMER?
A Justaminuteman Emergency Law and Order Bulletin, No. 1
We of the Justaminutemen think it is outrageous that that man is still not in jail.
We have given up mentioning the name of the previous guy in office for Lent. But you know whom we are talking about.
The one who claimed he won the election of 2020 that had been stolen from him by a conspiracy between the Democratic Party, the Deep State and Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez, who died in 2013.
As far as we know, neither What’s His Name, nor any of the 88 million of his followers who first learned about the controversial theory on Twitter, the civilized world’s leading source of news you can mistrust, has explained how Chavez was able to participate in the plot, being so dead.
We of the Justaminutemen are questioning the wisdom of allowing remaining at large the man who fomented the events of the Sixth of January.
Call the storming of the Capitol building by a group of citizens belonging to better government organizations like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, a protest, a demonstration, a riot, a failed coup, a putsch, an incursion…
Not that we think you can accuse him of anything worse than being the architect of the high crimes and misdemeanors of his previous four years in office but what happened on that day seemed to us an act of insurgency!
Whatever name you give the revolting desecration of our democracy on that day that will live in infamy, it was the most serious threat to the sanctity of the nation’s seat of government since the Whiskey Rebellion of 1794.
For the history-impaired, that was the march from western Pennsylvania to the new capital, led by 500 likkered up Monongahela Valley distillers, protesting government over-reach. The second Washington administration had levied the first tax on distilled spirits, which moonshiners thought cruel and inhumane punishment. The insurgent leaders were jailed and threatened with hanging.
We of the Justaminutemen have lost trust in our ex-president, even in retirement, once the most highly respected perk of office. In his case, the trust-deficit actually began with the reading of the Inaugural Address of 2017, the so-called “American Carnage” which he was soon to cause.
We of the Justaminutemen feel he is still insufficiently loyal to the Constitution he swore to uphold, a document he probably had never read or if he did, didn’t understand. So many difficult words like “emolument!”
Despite wrapping himself in the flag, Number 45 still reminds us of Samuel Johnson’s dictum: “Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels.”
What we of the Justaminutemen want to know is what has the scoundrel been doing in the last six months since the majority of the American people handed him his eviction notice from the Oval Office in January?
Writing his memoirs, like most normal ex-presidents?
With his record of past mob incitement — words too disgusting and well known to repeat here — how do we know what the instigator–in-chief is doing in in his secret meetings with the right wing extremist group leaders who have been visiting him at his plantation in the south?
Is he promising the patriots — as he calls the second amendment junkies who don’t believe getting seven million fewer votes means you lose in a democratic election — the air cover JFK forgot to provide at the Bay of Pigs the next time his activists question the legitimacy of the faux Biden administration?
Is he using his spare time between playing golf and raising money — the cash crop at his Palm Beach plantation being donations from the dupes to fund further battles in the courts to overturn an election without evidence of fraud — figuring out ways to repair the damage he has caused to the integrity of our electoral process?
Is he still leaking secrets to the Russian Federation as Agent Orange, employed by the Amerikanski Desk at the Kremlin, in payment for V. Putin’s help in the election of 2016?
In short, we of the Justaminutemen want to know if our sixteen intelligence agencies have any idea what is really going on in the Presidential bunker at Trumpville?
Call us paranoid, but we of the Justaminutemen are worried about what the late president is cooking up with his social media slush fund of over $200 million for legal fees (sic) and growing with every so-called “Triple–Matched” fund-raising deadline!
We still can’t believe 74 million people voted for that brainless idiot in 2020. How many are in the underground, waiting for his MAGA hat to be thrown into the ring, to rise up and make sure he has a fair and honest election that he wins in 2024, regardless of the fewer votes.
There are those in the Justaminutemen, the Lock-em Up militant wing, who think there must be some kind of law to prevent this presidential threat from inciting insurrection. The Floundering Fathers thought of everything, according to the strict constitutionalists.
Our moderates say throw him in the can and let the lawyers figure out the legal language, post ad hoc.
Either way, it will be a victory against the man who can’t be named and the secret 74 million who wanted to give him four more years..
God save the Republic! It needs all the help it can get.
May 6, 2021