Life is short, an ancient philosopher once prophesized. So is the statute of limitations. For most federal offenses it is five years. That means crimes that occurred as far back as 2016 could be charged until their anniversary date in 2021.

We of the Justaminutemen were reminded of the urgency problem by the cheering news that Cy Vance, the Manhattan district attorney, had finally joined the legal institutions racing to be first to put the man who claims to have won the election of 2020 with seven million fewer votes in the Big House instead of the White House before 2024.

A grand jury, he announced a month ago, has been convened that is expected to decide whether to indict. The panel was scheduled to sit three days a week for the next six months.

At this rate, it is beginning to look like our President In Name Only will be a ninetysomething before he sees justice being done in a court of law. At which time, his smart crooked lawyers will ask the judge to suspend jail time because it would be bad for their client’s health. His doctor’s note will claim he needs to play golf every day for medical reasons.

It’s not as if our PINO is new to law enforcement. He has a rap sheet filled with indictments and scandals that included multiplied bank-and-securities law violations, perennial tax evasion, bribery, extortion. The Poster Boy for shameless lawbreaker, a serial tax evader, liar, racist, bankruptcy aficionado, hypocrite, war-time draft dodger, advocate of free groping, associating with known criminals, total disregard for rules and scruples…

And those were the good things you could say about him.

What is taking so long, we of the Justaminutemen want to know, to lock up the Orange Menace?

Well, there were a lot of papers to read when the world class justice-evader’s financial records were finally handed over to DA Vance’s team, joined by the New York State Attorney General’s office, after three years of being blocked by legal wizards, including America’s Disbarred Lawyer (Rudy G.)

As potential civil and criminal charges pile up at his front door at Mar-a-Largo or forwarded to his home sweet home away from home in New Jersey, we of the Justaminutemen are betting on the state of Georgia to win the most-likely-to-indict-and-convict-him-first race.

He is, as GHW Bush put it, “in deep doo doo” for making that phone call to the Republican secretary of state. That was the conversation in which he attempted extortion in requesting 11,300 votes be thrown out with no admissible evidence of fraud so he could win Georgia and the election in the Electoral College.

The PINO used the legal strategy called The Rhett Butler Defense: “Frankly, Mister Secretary of State, dear, I don’t give a damn for your state of Georgia laws.”

Attempted extortion is a felony, even in Georgia.

The perfect phone calls between the carpetbagger from New York hiding out in Florida, and Brad Raffensberger, the Georgia Secretary of State, was recorded with Trump’s knowledge and consent and then promptly broadcast around the world by the socialists at CNN. You may have heard it.

 “It was like a bad Mafia movie,” as media pathologist Larry Arnstein paraphrased it: “Look, Brad, I’m just trying to help you out here. I don’t want anything bad to happen to your nice restaurant, like maybe somebody comes around at night and burns it down. But you know, for a very reasonable fee, I can make sure that doesn’t happen. And God forbid anything should happen to your family. Your lovely wife and children when they’re on the way to or from school, which I happen to know where it is. I can make sure nothing bad happens to your family also.“

We are not legal scholars. But all a prosecutor needs to do is explain to the jury what “attempted extortion” is, play the tape, and rest her case. In fact, a legal source explained,  ”she’ll probably have time for a few other cases that same day.”

If you’re on that jury, you don’t have to understand a lot of complex instructions from the judge as to what does or does not constitute attempted extortion means. The only difficulty will be to find eleven jurors and a few alternates who have no prior opinion about Trump.

The correct answer is “Donald who?”

We of the Justaminutemen look forward to seeing Mister President-elect fulfilling his duty to society by helping repave Georgia state roads.

While we wait for justice to prevail, we hope for his sake that someone on his staff has ordered a copy of “Cool Hand Luke” for him so he can get an idea of what a chain gang is like.

Marvin Kitman
Field Marshall, Justaminuteman
 June 28, 2021

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Our president emeritus, victim of “the greatest fraud in U.S history,” cheated out of his second term by an election result he called “the crime of the century,” that former president has been informing members of his inner circle that he is planning to resume leading his country by August.

He will be ending his sabbatical from office in response to the national emergency (the socialist government imposed on the people by the imposter Biden).

At present, there is no existing constitutional remedy to overturn an election after the Electoral College cast results, certified by Congress. But that will be no problem to a chief executive who ran the nation in his first administration without aid of a document he had sworn to uphold but never actually read.

A Free and Honest election is a foundational principle of the American system of self-government. It’s what gives the people faith in democracy. Can we make an exception to the rule of electoral law—that a candidate with the most votes usually wins—that prevailed since 1789 just because a loser claims fraud perpetrated by leftist antifa democratic scum??

We of the Justaminutemen say NO!

True, a crack in the system occurred in the election of 2016 that gave us a minority president with three million fewer votes. Winning an election with seven million fewer votes in 2020 is even worse. It makes USA USA seem like a nation of losers.

 But the second worst person in the world-—first place has gone to Joe Manchin for his role as a filibuster champion in the Senate—the 45th president has been a law unto himself.

President “I Won—By a Lot” has for legal guidance in the current campaign to be reinstated Sidney Powell Esq., the Oliver Wendell Holmes of the legal whizzes who filed the 62 failed suits to overturn 2020 results for lack of admissible evidence.

How will this reversal be possible?

The legal theory was cited by legal brainiac Powell at a recent QAnon conference in Dallas: “He can simply be reinstated.” That brought the house down.

The 70% of Republicans who still believe the election was stolen can’t argue with that kind of thinking, even though totally insane.

All of this is encouraging news for “the patriotic tourists,” as the president laureate called the howling mob he incited to attack the Capitol on the Sixth of January. It further cheered The Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, the Oregon militia, the QAnon drum and bugle corps and other political activists perfecting techniques for storming capitols. The Orange Shirts and the millions of sunshine patriots in the underground are waiting for the call to rise up from Mister Election Integrity.

Was the Sixth of January the dress rehearsal for The Big Show that could take place anytime the instigator-in-chief lights the match?

For the good of the nation, We of the Justaminutemen recommend the following remedial actions be taken forthwith:

1. His passport needs to be revoked. In the interest of national security, his name should be added to the NO FLY list.

2. All electronic devices need to be secured. His cell phone is a threat to the nation.

3. Seize all monies currently being donated to multiple Internet accounts including TRIPLE MATCHES for such charitable causes as funding future legal suits to overturn the election. Already exceeding $200 million, the slush fund should go into escrow to help reimburse taxpayers for the cost of using Air Farce One and other illegal campaign expenses.

As the nation waits for all the ex-president’s legal problems to be sorted out—the hundreds of suits against him at the federal, state and local jurisdictions with all the legal fine points adjudicating his misdemeanors and crimes of high, medium and low finance could cause the legal system to fratz out—His Orangeness is a flight risk. Sequestered, remanded, incarcerated, jailed …whatever his being locked up now is termed will help save the Republic!

As Napoleon did time on the island of Saint Helene, We of the Justaminutemen believe that three months or so on Rikers Island should teach Mister Ex-President something about respect for the law.

Marvin Kitman
Field Marshall, Justaminuteman
June 15, 2021

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June 6, 2021

Dear Mr. Senate Minority Leader, The Right Honorable Gentleman from Kentucky,

Just a few words from a fellow Republican to salute your courage in killing the independent bipartisan commission to investigate the Jan. 6 riot.

We already know what happened, sir. Nothing, as the former president has explained.

Just a group of “patriotic tourists,” as he calls the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers and thousands of other students of democratic institutions who had arrived for a tour of their Capitol on a historic day. As you recall, Congress was certifying an election that was the most crooked in our history, an election that the antifa leftists stole for the socialist Biden, despite their candidate’s seven million fewer votes.

True, some came with bear spray, poles that could poke an eye out and, to further demonstrate support for their favorite part of the Constitution (Amendment No. 2), concealed weapons.

Others brought along a portable gallows, a bit of rope in the shape of a noose, in case they ran across a Vice President named “Pence,” who despite four years of loyal service as toady-in-waiting was considered worthy of old-fashioned American justice   in their neck of the woods.

So what if the deaths and maiming, the pillaging, desecration of our democratic heritage by the activists had been inspired by an exiled ex-president’s “Stop the Steal” speeches all morning and the weeks before. “Mere Campaign rhetoric!” it could be argued.

So what if the unprecedented incursion scared the shit out of some of your Republican colleagues, which did not stop them from being complicit in the cover up of what really happened on that historic Sixth Day of January.

We understand what you are now doing, Mister Minority Leader.

You are famous in the annals of Senate Leaders for your ability to run a “Do Nothing Congress,” the kind that does nothing except pass tax cuts for our rich.

Your other major skill is making unpleasant things disappear.  Who can forget the way you made vanish Obama’s Supreme Court nominee — Two years and *poof *— What’s His Name was gone! 

We can understand why you were in the process of making a panel committed to an unbiased accounting of one the most serious assaults on American democracy fall into the sixth dimension—and disappear.

The answers to what really happened might be an unwelcome spotlight on the instigator-in-chief, still fueling the attacks on the integrity of our electoral process with his insane baseless fraud charges and the complicity of the no longer frightened brave cowards in our patriotic Senate minority.  A commission report might arrive just in time for the 2022-2024 “I’ll Be Back” Election.

So we understand killing the unnecessary redundant panel was the first step in Mitch the Magician’s amazing making the horrific day vanish trick. Unless there is a three-day weekend   involved, We the People are quick to forget why we celebrate our   historic holidays. How many of us remember the 600,000 who perished during the Civil War, the original purpose of the last Memorial Day.

A tip of the MAGA hat, your Rt. Hon. as Mitch the Marvelous Magic Man for pulling off this vanishing act.

While I have your attention, sir, I remind you of an even greater challenge, one that requires every artifice in your bag of tricks, i.e., getting rid of the Orange Menace, the Trojan elephant who is trampling the grand old party to death.

Surely you have something up your sleeve that could make the 70 percent of patriotic Republicans who love their country as much as you and I do give up on that bubbemieser the 2020 election was invalid, and the 23 percent of Republican idiots who a recent poll found believe the federal government is controlled by a group of Satan-worshiping pedophiles running a child sex traffic operation.

Now is the time to come to the aid of our party and country! Mitch, the Houdini of our party! Abracadabra…  whatever the magic words.  Go Mitch the Incredible Amazing Magicman, do your stuff!

God save the Republican Party, if She is not too busy.

Yours truly,

Marvin Kitman
Registered Republican,
9th Congressional District, N.J.

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The story of the second Trump administration that began with his election in November — as the 70 percent of Republicans who agree the election was stolen by the leftist socialist Biden and his antifa supporters will attest — is starting to sound like pages out of a police blotter.

Fans of true crime thrillers are looking forward in the coming months to the work of the Southern District of New York. Cy Vance, the New York DA, is scrutinizing the man’s tax records like the Dead Sea Scrolls. Attorney General Letitia James, New York state’s top prosecutor, is investigating the Trump Organization “in a criminal capacity,” no longer purely civil.

The Southland’s favorite carpetbagger, who is just moving   campaign headquarters for the 2022-2024 “I’ll Be Back” Election, from the heat and humidity of Florida to the heat and humidity of New Jersey, is facing possible charges in Georgia, including solicitation of election fraud, false statements, conspiracy, oath of office violations, racketeering, violence associated with threats to the election process.

On the docket in D.C. is the classic case of a former president exercising his first amendment rights in encouraging groups of what he calls “tourist patriots” to pillage the Capitol and threaten to massacre lawmakers they didn’t agree with politically on January Sixth. The main attraction of the projected 9/11-type commission, it can only be hoped, will be the grilling of the instigator-in-chief. His denying he did anything that he hasn’t done for the last four years that inspired the million patriot march on the Capitol will live in the annals of presidential candor.  

The one judicial proceeding that we of the Justaminutemen can’t wait to see is the treason trial.

What treason? How quickly they forget!

Article III, Section 3 clearly states “Treason against the United States consists in levying War against them…” (What were the howling mobs of patriotic tourists doing when smashing windows and maiming police officers?)… Giving “Aid and Comfort” to our enemies.”

In his first four years in office, the first-innkeeper cum hotel mogul gave aid and comfort to our enemies, the Commie rats, as Republicans used to call them, that any graduate of the Swiss Hotel Management school would admire.

Do the 74 million idiots who voted for the soon to be the man in the orange jump suit not remember “that Russian thing,” as he referred to “the hoax” invented by fake news to prevent his Making America Great Again?

Do they not remember the warm relationship between V. Putin   and our #45, a bromance that still should brings tears to the eyes of patriots.

Do they not recall the reward the Rooskies got for influencing the election of 2016, betting the least likely candidate would   become the chief executive of the most powerful nation on the planet, who would undo Western alliances that prevented the communists from capturing parts of the world not already in their pocket?

With space limitations, we cite only one piece of evidence:

Who can forget the summit meeting of 2018 when Helsinki Donald said he trusted V. Putin on the question of collusion more than our 17 intelligence agencies. Why? Putin told him nyet collusion.

There are many unanswered questions the treason trial will address: 

• Is Trump now, or has he ever been, a card-carrying member of the Communist Party? Or just a dupe? 

• Is he really Agent Orange, station chief of the Red cell in the White House, as Republican icons Joe McCarthy and Richard Nixon warned us about seventy years ago?

• And is the man in the orange jump suit still on the payroll of the Amerikanski desk, his latest mission for Vlad the Poisoner, destroying the integrity of the US electoral system, a model for democracies everywhere for 200 years?

Marvin Kitman
Field Marshal, JMM
May 20, 2021

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We of the Justaminutemen want to know when will the Trump Trials begin?

We summer soldiers and sunshine patriots have been eagerly waiting to see the former “madman in the White House,” as the mayor of Atlanta called him, brought to justice.

According to USA Today, our 45th president had been a litigant prior to his election in 3,500 law suits, proceedings and investigations (the American Bar Association counted 4,000). Bloomberg News reported in 2016 that our See You in Court chief executive had collected 1,300 suits since 2000, including 72 in federal court. James D. Zirin, author of best-selling “Plaintiff in chief,” found that in a Google search “Trump lawsuits” yielded in a trice (0.42 seconds) roughly 21 million hits1.

It has been six months since the immunity shield of the Oval Office has been gone.

The number of times our morally degenerate former guy in the Oval Office has been seen in the dock for alleged actionable offenses? Nada! Zilch! Zip!

Whatever happened to the 2,500 suits pending as he entered the White House in 2017, as Zirin counted in his portrait of Donald Trump’s lawsuits?

Whatever happened to the cases of the 14 women who accused the groper-in-chief of sexual misconduct? Or the charges by the magazine columnist who accused the crooked real estate developer of raping her in the fitting room of a fancy Fifth Avenue department store?

We of the Justaminutemen are concerned that just as he has managed to undermine faith in the integrity of our electoral system, he and his legal team may be in the process of wrecking our system of jurisprudence.

We don’t know exactly how it will be done. But these are the same people who managed to file 62 lawsuits, seeking to overturn the 2020 election on the basis of zero admissible evidence. With crack legal brains like Rudy (America’s Goniff Lawyer) Giuliani and Sidney Powell, who is in touch with Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez, even though he is dead, anything is possible.

We of the Justaminutemen cock our tricorner hats to the pettifoggers who already have convinced one third of the nation — and 70 percent of Republicans, according to a recent CNN poll — that the 2020 election was stolen.

Elected presidents are never choirboys, except in campaign biographies. But none were as ethically degenerate and morally corrupt as our first real estate con man. A graduate of the Roy Cohn School of Disreputable Law, a liar, cheat, untrustworthy in business practice, disrespectful of women, he is what used to be called in his old Queens ’hood “a bum.”

Somehow, we of the Justaminutemen fear, he just may have the right stuff to beat the rap. All of them!

In the beginning, we naively believed in the 1970 Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO) to deal with the lawlessness rampant in the Trump administration.

RICO was aimed at a systematic pattern of criminal activity. Any two of the 30 or so specific criminal acts c could be linked to the Trump administration as a criminal enterprise.

“The greatest cabinet in history,” as the boss called his department secretaries, featured immortals like Sleepy Wilbur Ross never awake after 11AM, and the wife of Sen. McConnell who represented her family’s shipping business as head of the Transportation Department. Potentially the most corrupt since the Grant Administration circa 1872, it was a group interested in conflict rather than conflict of interest.

The pattern of criminal activity was not an organized crime operation, but disorganized crime, all aimed at profiting the Trump family headed by the don himself, the boss of bosses, The Donald. (See “The Trumponicles” et al. at marvinkitman.com).

But RICO only worked, the experts tell us, if the Department of Justice is on board. A DOJ with Deputy Dawg Barr in charge found the Trump business operation in the spirit of the freedom of enterprise that made American white collar crime great again.

“I’d love to see 45 serving 15 to 20,” said one concerned equal justice for all Justaminuteman. “One can only hope.”

The only problem now is his lawyers might manage to kick the legal cans down the road until 2024. Then, win or lose by seven million votes, as Republicans now count elections, Boss Trump will have four more years behind the Oval Office shield, at liberty, as pure as the driven slush.

NEXT: THE GREAT TREASON TRIAL OF 2022

Marvin Kitman, Field Marshal
Hdqs., G-2
May 12, 2021

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We of the Justaminutemen think it is outrageous that that man is still not in jail.

We have given up mentioning the name of the previous guy in office for Lent. But you know whom we are talking about.

The one who claimed he won the election of 2020 that had been stolen from him by a conspiracy between the Democratic Party, the Deep State and Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez, who died in 2013.

As far as we know, neither What’s His Name, nor any of the 88 million of his followers who first learned about the controversial theory on Twitter, the civilized world’s leading source of news you can mistrust, has explained how Chavez was able to participate in the plot, being so dead.

We of the Justaminutemen are questioning the wisdom of allowing remaining at large the man who fomented the events of the Sixth of January.

Call the storming of the Capitol building by a group of citizens belonging to better government organizations like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, a protest, a demonstration, a riot, a failed coup, a putsch, an incursion…

Not that we think you can accuse him of anything worse than being the architect of the high crimes and misdemeanors of his previous four years in office but what happened on that day seemed to us an act of insurgency!

Whatever name you give the revolting desecration of our democracy on that day that will live in infamy, it was the most serious threat to the sanctity of the nation’s seat of government since the Whiskey Rebellion of 1794.

For the history-impaired, that was the march from western Pennsylvania to the new capital, led by 500 likkered up Monongahela Valley distillers, protesting government over-reach. The second Washington administration had levied the first tax on distilled spirits, which moonshiners thought cruel and inhumane punishment. The insurgent leaders were jailed and threatened with hanging.

We of the Justaminutemen have lost trust in our ex-president, even in retirement, once the most highly respected perk of office. In his case, the trust-deficit actually began with the reading of the Inaugural Address of 2017, the so-called “American Carnage” which he was soon to cause.

We of the Justaminutemen feel he is still insufficiently loyal to the Constitution he swore to uphold, a document he probably had never read or if he did, didn’t understand. So many difficult words like “emolument!”

Despite wrapping himself in the flag, Number 45 still reminds us of Samuel Johnson’s dictum: “Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels.”

What we of the Justaminutemen want to know is what has the scoundrel been doing in the last six months since the majority of the American people handed him his eviction notice from the Oval Office in January?

Writing his memoirs, like most normal ex-presidents?

With his record of past mob incitement — words too disgusting and well known to repeat here — how do we know what the instigator–in-chief is doing in in his secret meetings with the right wing extremist group leaders who have been visiting him at his plantation in the south?

Is he promising the patriots — as he calls the second amendment junkies who don’t believe getting seven million fewer votes means you lose in a democratic election — the air cover JFK forgot to provide at the Bay of Pigs the next time his activists question the legitimacy of the faux Biden administration?

Is he using his spare time between playing golf and raising money — the cash crop at his Palm Beach plantation being donations from the dupes to fund further battles in the courts to overturn an election without evidence of fraud — figuring out ways to repair the damage he has caused to the integrity of our electoral process?

Is he still leaking secrets to the Russian Federation as Agent Orange, employed by the Amerikanski Desk at the Kremlin, in payment for V. Putin’s help in the election of 2016?

In short, we of the Justaminutemen want to know if our sixteen intelligence agencies have any idea what is really going on in the Presidential bunker at Trumpville?

Call us paranoid, but we of the Justaminutemen are worried about what the late president is cooking up with his social media slush fund of over $200 million for legal fees (sic) and growing with every so-called “Triple–Matched” fund-raising deadline!

We still can’t believe 74 million people voted for that brainless idiot in 2020. How many are in the underground, waiting for his MAGA hat to be thrown into the ring, to rise up and make sure he has a fair and honest election that he wins in 2024, regardless of the fewer votes.

There are those in the Justaminutemen, the Lock-em Up militant wing, who think there must be some kind of law to prevent this presidential threat from inciting insurrection. The Floundering Fathers thought of everything, according to the strict constitutionalists.

Our moderates say throw him in the can and let the lawyers figure out the legal language, post ad hoc.

Either way, it will be a victory against the man who can’t be named and the secret 74 million who wanted to give him four more years..

God save the Republic! It needs all the help it can get.

Marvin Kitman
Hdqs.  G-2
May 6, 2021

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He was all packed, ready to attend his second inauguration on March 4, as predicted by those Nostradamuses at QAnon.

They had jacked up the room rates at the former president’s six- star hotel down the street from the White House in honor of their founding father’s return to power.

The faithful expected to flood the capital for the swearing in of a second term so richly deserved could be the largest inaugural crowd in history—by the ex-president’s count. The anti-maskers would serve the dual purpose of making Biden look bad by triggering a new wave of infection.

Quel le desappointement!

Not since I attended a Jehovah Witness convocation at Yankee Stadium in 1949, along with 90,000 other eye-witnesses, drawn by the widely advertised preachment that Armageddon, the end of the world as we knew it, was coming later that week ,had I felt so let down by an authoritative prediction.

Nada, zilch, zip. Nothing! It was just another day in the life of “the previous guy,” as the honorable other senator from Hawaii, Mazie Hirono, referred to the 45th president on MSNBC (“The ReidOut,” March 12).

The previous guy was still in his old Florida home, playing golf, making lists of people he should have fired before leave office, meeting with right wing extremist groups, planning a second phase of the January 6th invasion of the Capitol, whatever else presidents emeritus do after their labors on behalf of their country end.

Normally, the previous guy would be spending the time before his hearty breakfast of an Egg McMuffin or two tending his Twitter account, sharing his thoughts on the major GOP issues like Dr. Seuss books and Mr. Potatohead, denouncing the legislators, the traitors who voted for his impeachment.

Twitter, the modern equivalent of conducting a front porch- campaign, an institution begun by that great Republican William McKinley in the election of 1898, had been the way he told his fans where his head was at.

But that was before the Godzilla of social media, Twitter, decided to shut off King Kong’s direct line to his 88,936,841 followers, 12 hours after some tweets about the attack on the U.S. Capitol, an action joined by Big Tech fellow travelers Facebook, Instagram, You Tube, Snapchat and Twitch.

What a slap in the face to one of the five living ex-presidents! Just because he now seemed to be spreading misinformation, which some said tended to incite the political activists on the Capitol steps.

This was a big customer they were insulting.

Since opening his Twitter account on March 18, 2009, he had sent out 59,953 tweets and retweets (according to TweetBinder blog). The numbers also include what Twitterologists call the ex-president’s short thoughts, “brain farts” or accidental communication.

And it was not as if there was anything new about his spreading misinformation. This is a man who was incapable of not lying any time his mouth was open. The same thing happens when his fingers touch a keyboard.

By suspending his account, it was as if Godzilla had stepped on King Kong’s air hose. Big Tech, he could argue, was muzzling a president ‘s first amendment’s rights to incite mobs and second amendment rights to bring guns and other weapons of self- defense while redressing grievances at the Capitol.

Twitter and their co-conspirators knifed him not only in the back, but in the front. You could hear him virtually opening the window in his new Trapezoid Office above the Ballroom at Mar-a-Lago, like a Howard Beale in “Network,” shouting he was “mad as hell and he was not gonna take this anymore. Things have got to change.”

He would get even in 2024. For the good of the nation, the party, and his 88,936, 841 followers in his next administration he would nationalize social media, so we would have a democracy free and open, a democracy like his friend and mentor V. Putin practices in the Russian Federation.

There are those who say we have nothing to fear but fear itself from those clandestine meetings with right wing extremist groups on the golf course. So what if he promises the freedom fighters air cover for the next protest, as JFK promised the Cuban insurrectionists at the Bay of Pigs. He’s only meeting with some of those fine people in our extremist ranks to exploit them and fatten his own purse.

Marvin Kitman
March 16, 2021

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I realize to some of us he must sound like a big fat blowhard, a deposed, rejected, disgraced, corrupt, profiteering klutz of an acting president in way over his head for four years, accidentally chosen by fellow idiots in 2016. His claim that he lost unfairly in 2020, that he was cheated of a second term, is like old background Muzak music. White noise.

But the ¾ of the Republicans who voted for him last November, according to the latest polls, couldn’t agree more with his theory that he was robbed in 2020.

And it is seconded by the majority of the folks who attended this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference, the unofficial thimk tank of the RINO party—Republican in Name Only—as I call what is left of the Grand Old Party after its last president digested it and spit out the bones.       

Not only did he win, as he explained in taking a victory lap before a crowd of thousands of political science junkies at the CPAC conclave in Orlando last fortnight, but he won big! It was a landslide, he had concluded after four months of doing the math, as they say in higher mathematics circles.

Dr. Trump, who had been awarded a doctorate in quantum mathematics by Kitman University (Est. 2016) for his work in applied higher mathematics. His theory, which states In a rigged election, seven million fewer votes wins, despite 61 law suits being thrown out of court for lack of admissible evidence, was a breakthrough in political process in a democracy.

Inventor of so-called Trump Exceptionalism in lower mathematics, Dr. Trump and his brain trust in the first administration pioneered the formula 2+2 = 5, or any number you choose, as demonstrated with the incorrect claim of the greatest inaugural address crowd ever in 2016.

As the doctoral citation noted, the same special skills in power mathematics were displayed in his earlier career as a real estate mogul, the secret of success being revealed by other rival genius realtors as the ability to add, as well as subtract, a shortcoming attested to by Dr. Trump’s six bankruptcies.

Such are the depth of his convictions, four months into what in his mind is the coveted second four-year term, Dr. Trump has yet to concede. He is what is known as a sore winner.

Fun-filled, intellectually stimulating CPAC three-day weekends are usually the chance for those of the political persuasion to the right of Attila the Hun to sing the praises of conservative basic principles, such as paying $15 an hour will bankrupt the nation and wearing a mask during a pandemic will lead to socialism, as was the case of Medicare and Social Security.

In a speech some saw as the most important throwing a hat in the ring since Lincoln’s Cooper Union Address of 1860, Dr. Trump took time away from his duties as ex-president serving ex-officio as president–in-exile, playing golf and watching cable network news in his Rhomboid Office at Fort Mar-a-Lago to deliver this year’s CPAC keynote address on February 28.

Rather than the need to balance the budget after the tax cut for the 1 % —the greatest achievement of his first administration—or explain exactly what “cancel culture” or “woke Marxist mobs” means, something this pundit still doesn’t get—the fattest ex-president since William Howard Taft laid out the major issue for the 2024 campaign.

It will be doing his darnedest to get even with the yellow-bellied six or seven Republicans—RINOS, as a RINO himself mistakenly called them—traitors.  He will spare no Twitter words—once they lift the un-American ban on his thoughts, such as they are, to make sure those and any other suspicious characters would be Trump-primaried, the equivalent of tarred and feathered, ridden on a rail out of his version of the new and unimproved GOP. 

Dr. Trump’s Mulligan speech was a comfort for the ¾ of the 74 million band of brothers who voted for the idiot–in–chief, assurance that he will stand tall, stand proud and continue to fight for his right to become the worst ex-president in our history and his god given right to make believe he is still the president until 2024, questioning the integrity of an electoral process that only lasted 232 years.

In the meanwhile, I hope you are enjoying, as one sore loser put it while I was away, the new president (whoever it is).

Marvin Kitman
March 11, 2021

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My great state of New Jersey is first in blowing up Trump properties (It only took 3,500 sticks of dynamite to bring down that big beautiful temple of losers, Trump Plaza).

It’s first in rich seniors moving to Florida because of high taxes.

First in Goldman Sachs partners serving as governor (two of the last three).

The latest, Gov. Phil Murphy came to public service after making his fortune on Wall Street, a place where it has been known a bright fellow can do well following a system formulated by Charles H. Dow, editor of the Wall Street Journal from 1889 to 1902: “ Buy low,” advised Dow, “and sell high.”

In only two years in Trenton, Governor Phil is credited with introducing a unique style of governance in dealing with the scandal and controversy we have grown accustomed to in our state capitol. As it was explained by Charles Stile, the dean of the State House press in his “Political Stile” column (NorthJersey.com/USA Today Network):

Express shock and disgust about the latest revelation, hire a consultant or panel to investigate the issue, have them write a report calling for reform—and fuggedaboutit.

Our Phil has not yet reached the national prominence of

that other Phil, Punxsutawney Phil, the iconic groundhog of Pennsylvania, but his brilliant conduct during the Vaccine Distribution Crisis of 2020–21 may make him a household name in the world of science, along with the hydroxychloroquine and injecting disinfectants.

New Jersey is not a state famous for “Jumping the Line,” a favorite sport in New York, from what we hear, played by the rich, well-connected and crafty managing to get vaccinations. Whatever regulations are in effect in our neighboring state, it seems to have as many holes as Swiss cheese.

Nor is our state like Rhode Island where the words “I Know a Guy” are engraved in the state seal (in Latin), or so I am told.

Jumping the Line, in all its mutations, is a disgusting practice, reprehensible, abhorrent, immoral, unpatriotic behavior, something we would never do in New Jersey. Line jumpers should be arrested!

Our former governor, His Rotundity, Chris Christie, would have said to the impatient, “Shut up, and sit down until your number is called.” Now we wait for our turn, knowing our current governor with that fine Wall Street mind has set up a data base guaranteeing fair and equitable distribution of vaccine, should it ever become available as the Trump administration Operation Warp Speed turned into the speed of a snail.

Murphy’s Phase 1a included front line troops in the war against the virus, health care workers, hospital employees, nursing home residents who made up 40 % of the death toll. Phase 1b listed senior citizens and the immune-compromised, including my wife and I among other Ninetysomethings.

The Murphy List was a thing of beauty with only one problem.

Somehow, Governor Phil or his crack data team failed to create a unified appointment system, neglecting to link the master state list with the distribution sites. To get an appointment you had to be listed on the sites where the vaccine would be distributed, hundreds of Walgreen’s, CVS, Rite Aid and ShopRite locations.

Not so bad, if you didn’t mind spending hours on the phone or computer. Phone lines were usually jammed and computers fritzed out from over load.

You had to go all over the web every day with the computers asking the same stupid questions as the last time; it had no memory of previous visits. And then they told you there are no appointments.

Some of our Northern New Jersey neighbors were able to brag about having made 700 phone calls before they would score an appointment at a site some three miles away from Philadelphia.

Or they could take a shot in the dark and try showing up in Paterson.

From time to time, the rare vaccine arrived in our state, like it was the serum being rushed to Nome, Alaska, a plot line in our childhood melodramas. Paterson, a city 23.7 miles southwest from my town is our Nome. They always seemed to have drugs in Paterson, which are democratically dispensed first come, first served, regardless of category.

Senior citizens from our town had taken the opportunity to stand for hours in pre-dawn freezing lines outside a Paterson high school without portable toilets to score a shot. Always there was the chance the last vaccine went into the arm of the one in front of you. “The situation is very fluid,” the mayor of Paterson has explained about supply.

Those who have made the pre-dawn trek suggested bringing along a security guard for added peace of mind.

Well, Team Murphy only had a year to figure out a system. It was working as efficiently as searching for hot concert tickets.

As if that wasn’t enough of a thrill, Gov. Murphy then decided to conduct a scientific experiment.

What would happen, the hypothesis of the Murphy study asked, if you added smokers and the obese to Phase1b group?

With all the humanity learned at Goldman Sachs, Governor Phil with the stroke of a pen added an estimated 3 million smokers and over-eaters of any age to the 1.2 million seniors and other immunity-compromised waiting patiently. Do the math! Almost anyone could now get a vaccination, (no documentation required).

The Murphy experiment raised a number of questions. Would it enhance your chances if you started smoking again? I had a 50 year-old antique pack of Camels I could crack open—cough, cough—and a box of Dunkin’ donuts waiting in the freezer for an emergency.

Would the vaccine shots be awarded to those on the waiting lists alphabetically or in what we used to call “size places?”

Would  the governor with a heart as big as all outdoors next add anti-maskers to  his Phase 1b pool?

What else could possibly  go wrong with  Murphy’s Law?

Nevertheless,  Gov. Phil (What Was I Thinking?) Murphy’s scientific study was already a great success.  It proved beyond reasonable doubt it is now as hard to get a shot as winning the New Jersey Lottery.

And so it goes…

Marvin Kitman
February 23, 2021

Marvin Kitman is a leading member of the Northern New Jersey School of Literary Criticism. His next book is “The Christie Chronicles,” 54 episodes of which are accessible at marvinkitman.com.

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What a gift to the nation the Senate has given us to celebrate on this so-called Presidents Day (or is it President’s Day?)!

Originally, the third Monday in the month of February had been enshrined as “Washington’s Birthday,” a most sacred day in the canon of calendar patriotism, along with such causes of national celebration as Super Bowl Sunday and Oscar Night.

An artifice concocted by the Congress back in the days (1968) when the legislative branch did things before the invention of the Do-Nothing Congress, which judging by what it does today  (conducting impeachment trials) is better advised to do nothing.

Instead of traditional Washington’s Birthday white sales, what most people remember about the first president today, we now honor the birthdays of all previous occupants of the White House.

By definition, that includes the most recent miserable miscreant, misguided monstrosity of a political process that had run amuck, a man who was more qualified to be in the Big House instead of the White House.

Where George Washington is remembered as first in war, first in peace, first in expense account writing, worthy of a singular day of veneration, ex-President What’s His Name, as he is blessedly known in my house, will be remembered as first in lying, first in groping, first in paying off strippers he claimed not to even know, first in using the Oval Office as a piggy bank in profiting from public service, first in being a friend of our enemies, the Russians.     

It had taken we the people some 232 years to elect 44 of the previous occupants of the highest office in the land to finally get one (#45) that had been impeached not once but twice —in the same year — and beaten the rap both times! 

MAGA hats off to those constitutional scholars, the 43 Republican senators who supported the theory that there was nothing impeachable about inciting an insurrection, a laurel handed out for a disgraced disaster of a president just in time for this President’s Day Weekend.

I didn’t watch the second Impeachment Trial on TV as much as I should. As the late great Ronald Reagan, our first actor-president, said about another American institution “If you’ve seen one redwood, you’ve seen them all.”

As sad as it made my left wing friends seeing the last president   crowing like an orange-headed rooster atop the shining dung hill   that the executive branch had become under the 45th president, exonerated for his contribution to the events of January 6, the farce made a lot of people happy, including the 74.2 million members of the lunatic fringe who voted for him in 2020.

I’m not a constitutional scholar, although I may write like one, but attention need be paid to the ¾ of Republican voters who the latest polls say agree the defeated candidate had been robbed, despite getting seven million fewer votes.

As a Marxist (Groucho), I believe in the constitutional dialectic, “Who ya gonna believe, me or your own eyes.”

Once again I was impressed by the courage of those brave cowards, the gang of 43 Republican senators weighing the evidence for three days with open minds.  In their case, it meant   they were open at both ends.

Watching the pictures of their Capitol being sacked by those Sons of Liberty, the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers and just average dumb right wing extremists, they showed all the emotion of those cardboard fan cutouts in the seats during football and baseball this pandemic season.

So what if QAnon freedom fighters bashed the heads of Capitol police with fire extinguishers!

So what if they threatened the life of the Vice President, the man who served for four years as a sheep in sheep’s clothing for a president who violated all of his Christian moral and ethical principles!  “Hang Pence” will live in the annals with

“I have only one life to give to my country.”  

So what if the last president had done more damage to American democracy than the Rosenbergs serving as Putin’s puppet in the Oval Office as Agent Orange!’

It would have been consolation to this disappointed pundit if   President What’s His Name had been acquitted on grounds that he didn’t know right from wrong, that he was only guilty of what was once ruled in Victorian legal terms, of “unsound mind.”

As evidence, citing his 62 baseless legal suits claiming election fraud, stoking the passions of the brainless idiots under the delusion you could still win elections with seven million less votes.

The kangaroo court certifying what might some day be known as the Trump Exceptionalism in constitutional law, that there is nothing wrong for  “incurable madness” as a qualification for the presidency might be Number 45’s greatest contribution to    American political process.

Thank you for your service, distinguished members of the right wing nut case wing of the Republican Party.

 And have a nice President’s Day, sirs.

Marvin Kitman
February 15, 2021

Marvin Kitman is co-author of “George Washington’s Expense Account “ by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman, PFC  (Ret.)

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Korean War veteran Marvin Kitman, PFC (Ret.) getting first shot at VA hospital, East Orange, N.J. 2/4/21. At last, he now knows something that war was good for!
God  Bless  the  VA.

 Photos  by Carol Kitman

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If it were up to me, I would slap the cuffs on the former president as soon as he gets off the red carpet on Wednesday.

True, it would be an unorthodox way to end four years of service to the nation. But everything connected to the 45th president’s time in the Oval Office has been a little irregular.

A person is guilty, we have learned from years of studying jurisprudence on cable TV news, until proven innocent. This is especially the case of a man who has a perp sheet of more high, medium and low crimes and misdemeanors than any president in our history.

By the time the sound of the 21-gun salute has ended, I hope   they also have taken away the keys to the family vehicle. The proper authorities must make it eminently clear that Air Farce One can no longer be used to fly him to an afternoon of golfing at his club in New Jersey, and other abuses of federal property, legendary in his first term as the vacationer-in-chief.

They say he and the no longer First Family will be flying to Florida to begin his exile in his Mar a Largo resort converted to a private residence, a redecoration by Melania which he hates because of a reduction in gold-guilt.

Turning the fantabulous Mar a Largo into an old age retirement home for a disgraced impeached president home has created local grumbling. “There goes the neighborhood,” Palm Beach neighbors are complaining. County officials also are reminding the great dealmaker he is in violation of agreement not to use the club as a private residence in exchange for juicy tax breaks.

For all the Palm Beach authorities know our thrown-out-of-office-by-a-crooked-election leader may have left an executive order in his desk turning his private club into a National Parks Historical Monument, like Grant’s Tomb, as an official senior citizens assisted living home for twice-impeached disgraced presidents.

Without the neighbors with pitchforks and protester signs (“GO HOME TO WHEREVER YOU CAME FROM “) the Trump clan would find a more happy residence with less hostility in a trailer park, of which there are a few in Florida.

Not that I don’t trust him.  Actually, I don’t. He has been known not to always speak the truth.

Who knows where the Lyin’ King and his royal family will be going when they gas up the old buggy Wednesday? There was the mysterious trip of last week, for example.

For four days, after inciting the now famous Insurrection, the   unpresident was totally silent. Was he holed up in the White House bunker searching his soul, fasting, or otherwise meditating on his involvement in the worst thing to happen to our capitol since the British invasion of 1812?

Suddenly, we learned he had flown to pay his respects to a section of the Great Trump Wall on the Southern border. The purpose of the trip was to autograph a piece of the promised   1,000 mile barrier—only 100 miles or so having actually been built, a reason why he needed four more years—with the official presidential sharpie.

I realize that wall is an important part of his legacy, along with being the first to discover the Trump Flu, which already has killed 400,000 Americans, the first to encourage not wearing the mask and unsafe social distancing at mass campaign rallies, first in developing a Warp Speed vaccine that is getting into arms with the speed of a snail.

As Air Farce One takes off Wednesday, how do we know it will not be heading to Uzbekistan or any other nation without an extradition treaty with USA USA that would welcome the prestige of being the capitol of an exiled twice-impeached American president? He needs a Shangri La, with the serenity of a people’s republic where crooked president’s can serve for life, and opponents throw themselves off roofs at election time, a place were our late president can continue to brainwash –and dry – his supporters who still agree he was robbed. 

A source of inspiration to young Americans who want to be a crooked president when they grow up so they can profit by public service, the former president will still be a nightly presence on the fake news facing all the people he said he would see in court: 3,500, according to James D. Zirin’s authoritative   book, “Plaintiff in Chief.”

Aside from adding his name to the TSA’s “No Fly List,” I would further suggest the proper authorities check the silver in the East Wing as the First Family leaves the White House Wednesday.

Marvin Kitman
January 18, 2021

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In the last days of his career as the worst president in our history, POTUS continues piling up achievements.

The House of Representatives honored him with an article of impeachment for inciting an insurrection that made him the first president ever to be impeached TWICE, as his official guide to capital punishment would put it. He lives for RECOGNITION.

Another feather in his MAGA hat was the House call for the Vice President to do his duty and begin proceedings to declare the chief executive unfit to serve in office, the first time since the ratification of the 25th amendment in 1969. All the Pusillanimous Pence had to do was get assent from a majority of the cabinet, a body that seems to have fallen into the sixth dimension and disappeared, except for the commerce secretary, Sleepy Wilbur Ross, who hasn’t been awake after 11 AM for the last four years.

He was already first in paying off porn stars, first in withholding tax returns, first in profiting from his real estate and other brands while in office as the boss of the Gang That Couldn’t Loot Straight.

The one thing that really might have hurt, though, was Coach Bill Belichick turning down the Presidential Medal of Freedom, an honor that usually goes to great American icons and friends of the president like Rush Limbaugh. He is now free to award himself the medal for all he has done for his country by sticking to baseless claims that the election of 2020 was stolen from him, a selfless act that is hailed by the base, the 74 million plus idiots and other yahoos who voted for him in November.

He is taking all the slings and arrows of abuse now just because he is alleged to have encouraged the attack on the Capitol by Trumpistas mobs last Wednesday.

“Who, moi?,” his defense might be in a coming trial in the Senate.  “All I did was pour oil on the hot coals in the Barbie, the eternal flame in the hearts of people who believe in God, guns and grits, marriage between a man and woman, white lives matter, and law and disorder.”

What started as a leaking roof with the odd Republican legislator or two finding fault with their president as they go out the door, has now become a tsunami. With Mitch the tabler-in-chief in the Senate joining the rising tide, it is now politically correct: Trump Must Resign in disgrace.      

None of this would have happened if the inexperienced, incompetent, stupid, real estate development con man who had   defeated crooked Hillary with almost three million fewer votes in 2016 had taken my advice.

I was so sure his administration would be short-lived, I had taken the liberty of working on a draft of the new president’s Farewell Address after his reading of the last line of the Inaugural Address of 2016.

“For the good of the nation,“ my first draft explained, “for the good of the party, and to keep my family out of jail,” he was stepping down, following his doctor’s orders. A combination of his bone spurs and high cholesterol due to addiction to McDonald Quarter Pounders made him a health risk in the job.

Sure enough, his slaving way on the job for four years, despite having set records in the number of days on vacation at his   properties and visiting his golf courses (16 around the world) at taxpayer’s expense, his orange hair has turned positively gray.  

A disgraced Richard “I’m no crook” Nixon, I can remind the unpresident now, became a respected elder statesman. The American people are quick to forget.  In his case he already has a base of 74 million plus brainless who were ready to give him four more years, despite his habit of lying whenever his mouth was open.

 A nice final gesture, Mister ex-President: instead of urging your loyal followers to visit the Capitol again on Inaugural Day you might borrow a page from American history. As Andrew Jackson invited the common people to visit his White House, it would be Jacksonesque of you to invite your followers to stop by in your last day as a populist to pay their respects at your White House. And keep the punch bowl open! 

Whatever you do to get out of the fix you’re in, sir, January 20th is a sad day for pundits. We won’t have Donald John Trump to kick around any more.

 Marvin Kitman
 January 14, 2020

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Dear Santa, sir,

I know you don’t like to get involved in politics. You’re equally non-judgmental about who has been naughty and nice at this time of year. But there is another fat man stealing your act.

I’m talking about the unpresident. In these last days of what could be called the Physically-challenged Duck period of our presidency, Mister Trump has not rested on his laurels as the most corrupt president the country has had since the last   Republican businessman in the Oval Office. Warren Harding’s Ohio Gang is like the Salvation Army compared to Boss Trump’s Gang That Couldn’t Loot Straight.

Not only was he first in tweeting (From January 1 to December 14, 5,699 times, according to the authoritative Tweet Binder blog) and lying (22,247 claims that fact-checkers at the Washington Post certify as false or misleading in the first 1,306 days of the Making America Great administration. That number is only up to August 27, 2020, because WaPo hasn’t been able to keep up with the flow). It is not for nothing, Santa, your rival is known as Lord of the Lies.

Donald the orange-nosed real estate developer already has given the nation it’s first official rigged election, like the ones so many of our friendly democracies ruled by tyrants conduct. Whatever   fake news and the courts say about the baseless claims without evidence, sir, 2020 was won by the candidate that received seven million fewer votes.

All certified by the certifiable, Santa!

And he is not the only one who still believes that. Latest polls by USA Today/Siena College say ¾ of Republicans believe 2020 was stolen from their guy by the socialists and their lackeys in lamestream media.

Our sore winner has been especially magnanimous in this season of giving by not taking credit for personally inventing the vaccine for what he as a genius man of science called the Trump Flu that has already killed more than 300,000 fellow citizens that couldn’t go to Walter Reed for miracle treatments he received when the ungrateful Covid-19 virus microbes bit him in the ass or mouth.

The champion of law and order beat you to it, Santa, by having the decency to grant clemency or pardons to some of the most despicable characters in our penal system, just in time to be home for Christmas. The ex-cons include a notorious Medicare swindler, three crooked politicians, including the first Congressman to endorse him, four child-killing Federal hitmen from Blackwater, and convicted liars, like Flynn, Manafort, and Roger Stone who took lies for their president.

The whipped cream with the fake maraschino cherry on top was his pardoning out of the blue White House office boy Jared Kushner’s father. Charles Kushner’s only crimes were preparing   false tax returns, witness retaliation, making false statements to the FEC and having the bad luck of being prosecuted by U.S.  Attorney at the time, crusader Chris Christie in New Jersey. Marrying the president’s daughter was a good career move.

To prove he has a heart as big as all outdoors at his golf clubs and personal properties (he set records in patronizing them, some 330 days away from the day job) this week he emerged from looking for baseless claims of election fraud to slow the relief checks voted for the destitute by making a tantalize $2,000 per adult offer instead of the $600 coming soon. So what if he knew his fellow Republican Scrooges in the Congress would hold their noses at pure socialism. It’s time to balance the budget that has been unbalanced since the Trump tax cut to the 1% of the needy.

At the same time, Ex-President Bone Spur put a lump of coal in his beloved Pentagon’s stocking by vetoing its $740 billion National Defense Authorization bill that as usual contained more money than what the generals know what to do with. Frugality was less the reason than it called for renaming Fort Bragg, and ten other bases like Hood and Benning named after Southern generals, who were traitors. The South hasn’t had such a good president since Jefferson Davis.

What goody will the former president give to his partner in the hottest bromance in modern diplomacy history for Xmas? V. Putin has won four MAGA hats inserting the Politburo’s choice in the 2016 election in the White House. Agent Orange already has cancelled our Spy Plane flights photographing Russia’s military geography, and not complained about Russian cyber hacking. “China did it!” as he explained.

Who knows what Helsinki Donald promised in the closed-door secret summit meetings with Vlad the Poisoner? Maybe there’s a deal on the table to sell Alaska back to Imperial Russia that Putin the Great is recreating?

I tell you, Mister Santa, sir, there is no way to predict what crazy   un-American things our former president has up his sleeve in the next 24 days.

I have one word to explain what I really want for Christmas, sir.  Actually, it’s a word lent to me by Richard Lingeman, managing editor emeritus at The Nation, borrowed from his ode “Hail to the Thief”:   

Lockhimuplockyimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimuplockhimup etc.

Marvin Kitman
December 25, 2020

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It has come to my attention, as a leading Republican strategist and the Executive Producer of the new expanded harder-hitting take-no-prisoners TMKS, that a number of my readers are growing impatient with the former president’s delay in making the traditional concession speech.

What’s the matter with them? Don’t they love our president? The first billionaire who represents the little guy!  First in making baseless allegations! First in profiting from public service! I think they just don’t want America to be Great Again.

Why hasn’t he conceded yet, they want to know?  Why should he?

“I won,” as he explained the morning after Election Day (11/4/20) on Twitter, the second most reliable source of information, next to the Congressional Record. The projected winner was corroborated three minutes later by a second tweet on the Pravda of the Oval Office:” I WON I WON I WON”— all memorable words that will live in post-election journalism annals with the Chicago Tribune headline of 1948: “DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN.”

True, it eventually turned out he received seven million fewer votes than his unworthy opponent, Hunter Biden.

In the 2016 election against Hillary he became the minority president of Some of the People All the Time with only three million fewer votes.

2020 was a landslide for Trump!

As I gather, President Four More Years was still claiming its his Oval Office, his White House, because he was cheated in the free and fair election by “Antifa SCUM,” by which he meant the 81 million plus Americans who voted for the alleged winner.

If there is one-thing concession watchers learned in the post-election period about 2020, it was fraught with election irregularities, such as mail-in voting. The radical leftist anarchist Democrats who controlled the tabulation stole the election through such inequities as absentee ballots and something he called “election fraud.” 

There were two kinds of election fraud used in rigging the voting, according to what could be called a sore winner:

1. Massive election fraud, or MEF

2. Widespread election fraud (WEF)

Both MEF and WEF were detected by the president’s legal gumshoes in five contested battleground states, the margin of victory in the Electoral College. Recounts were demanded, the theory being that there might have been clerical errors.

But he lost by 175,000 votes in Wisconsin. 

In Georgia, there were three recounts, by hand and machine. 

But why not a fourth, Trump legal argument went?

The common factor in both MEF or WEF election irregularities cases pressed in the courts by the Trump Little League Legal Team, led by America’s Goniff Lawyer, the hair dye salesman who can change his story a dozen times in one day under the heat of TV fake news grilling (Rudy Giuliani, Esq.) was the lack of what the courts call “evidence.”

None of which prevented the Forces of Good Government in the Trump braintrust to press some 55 cases of unsubstantiated baseless allegations of voter fraud.  So far, the team’s record is

 0-49, with six cases still on the docket.

 “They didn’t look hard enough” was the sore winner’s legal rebuttal. 

There are those who think this fraud thing is all in the un-president’s so-called mind. But I’m from New Jersey where we know election fraud.

I still remember the immortal words of a former Republican governor who wanted to be buried in a cemetery in Hudson County so he could vote every Election Day.

Hopefully, the Supreme Court this week would do what was right for the country by agreeing with America’s Mayor, Mister 9/11, to throw out Pennsylvania’s 2. 6 million mail-in-vote with the usual no proof.

SCOTUS with three Trump appointees delivered a shocker. Instead of siding with the unfounded allegations the lower court socialist judges rejected, it stuck to the rule of law, dismissing the case in a one line judgment that said, in effect, you must be kidding.

Talk about your sharper than a serpent’s tooth for King Donald the Mad and the three-pack of right wing Trump Supremes!

My advice to concession watchers as we approach Electoral College Homecoming Day (January 6) and wait for the concession. As we say in New Jersey,  fugeddaboutit .

Gee, have a heart. DJT is an old man whose orange hair is already suddenly turned gray as he looks for the right words to say, “I lost, dudes.” (Sob!).  So what if his search for non-existent fraud undermines the integrity of the American electoral system. He could be starting a war now to remember him by. But that’s what you get when a minority of the people elects an idiot for president.

Marvin Kitman
December 11, 2020

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THERE WAS NO REASON TO TERMINATE THESE “TRUMPONICLES” JUST BECAUSE OF AN ELECTION DISPUTE,

FOR THE LAST 24 DAYS WE HAVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT HOW THE FAKE NEWS HAS BEEN GIVING THE TRUMP V. HUNTER BIDEN ELECTION OF 2020 TO THE WRONG WINNER. THEY HAVE ROBBED OUR CONQUERING HERO OF THE WAR AGAINST THE VIRUS (AKA THE TRUMP FLU), ENGINEER OF THE GREATEST ECONOMY THE WORLD HAS KNOWN SINCE THE HERBERT HOOVER ADMINISTRATION, THE MAN WHO HAS DONE THE MOST FOR BLACKS SINCE LINCOLN, AND MOST RECENTLY, STEALING FOUR MORE YEARS FROM HIS LEGACY.

IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO MISS ALL THE THRILLS AND DRAMA IN THE FIGHT OVER WHO REALLY WON THE POST- ELECTION, LIKE NO OTHER LAME DUCK PERIOD IN HISTORY. WHAT PUNDIT WOULD SIT OUT PONTIFICATING ABOUT THE JOURNEY OF PRESIDENT “I WON, I WON, I WON” WHICH IS JUST AS LIKELY TO END IN THE BIG HOUSE AS THE WHITE HOUSE?

 WILL YOU WELCOME, PLEASE, THE NEW, IMPROVED POST- 2020 ELECTION TRUMPONICLES.

Do the 74 plus million idiots—I’m sorry not all of you are idiots; some are morons, imbeciles, cretins and just plain dumb yahoos—really believe that ex-President Donald didn’t lose the election of 2020?

Do they really believe that some one who gets six million fewer votes than an opponent, according to the latest count by the fake news Associated Press, can still win?

Is this some kind of New Math, a middle-aged fogey knucklehead Nostradamus can’t comprehend? Like the alternative truths and untrue facts pioneered during the late unlamented first Trump administration?

Do they believe the 80 million plus eligible citizens who didn’t vote for President I Won I Won I Won were involved in a plot to steal the re-election for the worse or worst president since James Buchanan, a robbery validated every night by the Fox News brain trust, the Hannity-Tucker-and-Laura troika.

Are the words “transparency, accuracy, and fairness” used by Secretaries of State in several contested states to describe their basic principles of election protocols actually code words for the gigantic monstrous un-American plot to prevent President Four More Years a second shot at the job of Making America Great Again, barely begun since 2016?

Do they really believe there is something fishy that your Donald’s legal team, headed by America’s goniff lawyer-in-chief, Mister 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, Esq. has seen 36 or so of the legal suits thrown out with the lame excuse of lack of evidence?

Is going 0-36 with no evidence proof that the socialist judges, some of whom were Republican appointees, were out to get the president by following the traditional rule of law regarding evidence?

Do they really believe deep down in their souls, or soles or wherever their brains are, that their Donald got the fewest votes because the election was rigged by the voting machines? The radical leftist anarchist computers willfully took votes from the red candidate and gave them to its favorite son candidate, the old man who campaigned on a walker in his basement?

And speaking of the red candidate, are they really unconcerned that foreign powers, like Russia, have a track record of influencing American elections. Forget Hugo Chavez and his incompetent Bizarro Venezuelans conspiring with corrupt American officials to stuff the ballot boxes with phony mail-ins.

Are you OK that a so-called Republican is conducting the hottest diplomatic bromance since Benito loved Adolf? After four years, your un-President Donald is still in bed with the world’s leading anti-American, the ex-KGB-killer, Vladmir Vladimirovich Putin (aka Vlad the Poisoner). He has been teaching Donald democratic election principles such as opponents have the freedom to throw themselves off rooftops during elections.

Are you not worried Your Boy might accidentally blurt out some secret during their closed door meetings just to show how important he also is. Not that he knows that many, since the Intel briefing thing wasn’t his bag.

Were you not embarrassed seeing the leader of the most powerful nation on the planet lying on the floor like a three -year old brat having a temper tantrum? “No, it’s my White House, and you can’t have it back.”

 For three weeks your Un-president undermine our security, locking the transition team out. In an emergency, the disputed winner would have needed to call 911.

 I don’t get it. Why would those patriot nyet-sayers want a man like that leading us in a three front war against the pandemic virus, a failed economy and racial injustice?

For four years he performed his duties like a graduate of the Moe, Shemp and Curly junior high school of political science. What would he do with four more years of a “Three Stooges” comedy? Suddenly stop telling lies?

To be fair, not all of the 74 plus million believed the election was a scam, a hoax, a fraud, even a witch-hunt.

 Only two thirds of them, a fake news survey reports

That is a comfort for this Panglossian pundit.

Marvin Kitman
December 3, 2020

*As of 12/2/20 at 9:48 AM, it was 74,083,912 for the Trump majority… 80,952,796 for that loser, Biden.

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A pundit writes to his ex-president in exile on Fantasy Island (aka Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Va.), that special place in heaven where a deposed tyrant-in-training can do what he does best, play golf, fire people, and make baseless allegations.

Dear Mister Former President, sir,

First of all, congratulations on your election victory, the second time you won with the least votes.

Secondly, speaking as a pundit to a pundit, I was most impressed with your being the first to call the election. You were ahead of us other experts in predicting it would be stolen.

You didn’t even need to wait for the Exit Polls to project that anarchist agitator radical leftists of the Democratic Socialist Party would steal the election in Philadelphia, steal the election in Atlanta, steal the election in Milwaukee…

You were the Nostradamus of the Year in our profession, predicting the outcome of Trump vs. Hunter Biden in 2020. 

Four MAGA Hats off to you, sir, for prognosticating the socialist Democrats would try to destroy the integrity of our electoral process with their mail-in, day of registration voting, counting three days after the election is over, dumping batches of legal votes a day, two days, maybe even three days after the polls close, as the reliably misinformed source, Laura Ingraham, reported on Fox Fake News.

Of course, the results won’t be official until the socialists who do the counting at the Electoral College open the state envelopes.   Still, without meaning to ask you to reveal your trade secrets, how did you reach the conclusion you are still undefeated?

As I gather, the secret of your success is in your definition of an honest election—and correct me if I’m wrong, sir: If you’re behind in the polls, it’s tantamount to the vote being rigged. How else could you be number two?  Ipso facto, the election is  fraudulent, a scam, a hoax.    

Just because there is no evidence to substantiate “the serious reports of irregularities, such as flipping votes in the computer system,” as Maria Bartiromo, the former Money Honey at CNBC since flipped into punditry on the Fox Business Network explained, your brain trust launched Plan B.

Towards this goal of corroborating your theory of being robbed, a tsunami of lawsuits has flooded the nation’s courts without evidence. If I can mix a metaphor here, hungry, snarling legal beagles have been sniffing around for further non-existent evidence of foul election crimes. It amounts to a stimulus program for members of The Trump Bar, if the ex-president doesn’t stiff them, like many of the workers who built his casinos.

The extraordinary legal activity is being seconded by the AG, Deputy Dawg Barr, who has broken the rules by saying it’s okay for U.S. Attorneys to join in the investigation of wrong- doing without evidence.

It’s not your concern, Mister President-in-exile, that all of this saying Nyet to the election results is like acid rain coming down on the integrity of the nation’s electoral process, which should at least please your friends in the Kremlin.

However all of this turns out, let’s not misunderestimate, in George W.  Bush’s word, the significance of the amazing, unbelievable, shocking number of your voters, if they were all legal.

74.5 million citizens apparently were OK with four more years of your lying whenever your mouth is open; four more years of your distrust of science; four more years of your having the empathy of a log for the sick and dying of the Trump Flu; four more years of your ignorance about our history; four more years of your being a total brainless idiot about the conduct of foreign and domestic affairs; four more years of having the most corrupt cabinet since the Ohio Gang of the Harding administration, four more years of your creepy family. But why go on.

Forget the 34.9 percent, the minority better known as “the base!”

74.5 million is the new Base. Can 74.5 million Always Trumpers be wrong? Moscow, Idaho Mitch, and Fox & Enemies will be asking for four more years.

Happy days will not be here again for the Socialists until all the lawsuits are quashed and there might be a chance to hear your concession speech, the greatest in our political history.

Everybody knows, it’s not over until the fat man sings.

In the meanwhile, have your fun for the next 70 days firing the remaining competent people in the administration who are still trying to save what’s left of what Made America Great.

Your pen pal,

Marvin Kitman
November 12, 2020

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The election is over today. All that’s left is the voting, the counting and cheating, the lawsuits. We are looking forward to a 46th president by Christmas, IF I’m not being overly optimistic. In the meantime, I have a final few words about the accomplishments of America’s leading political idiot.

First, the president was stiffed again by the Nobel Prize people.   It’s the fourth year in a row the leftist anarchists radical agitators in Oslo cheated him out of the just recognition for all that he has done in his various fields of achievement. Self-nominated for the peace award in 2017 and 2018, having done more for world tranquility, in his mind greater than Obama and that peacemonger, the Dali Lama, this time for the prize in physiology and scientific research.

I’m talking about his discovery of a miracle cure for the covid-19 virus. 

In 2020, he had gone where no man of science had gone before in dispensing hydroxychloroquin, a drug made by his friend’s company. Demonstrating the importance of scientific research, he took the hydroxi himself. As further evidence, there was not a single case of malaria in the White House.

I won’t even mention his other contribution to the war against the deadly virus, which he had described as no worse than the flu, the use of a disinfectant chaser.

Luckily, he was not arrested for prescribing medication without a pharmacist’s license.

The president, you should know by now, lives for recognition.

In his four years in office, he already has won the accolade as the greatest liar in the 231-year history of American democracy.

All politicians lie.  But President Donald proved to be the Wilt Chamberlain of liars, smashing all records in the practice of that art form: in volume (22,000 plus in the first 903 days in office, according to WaPo); most lies in a sound bite (19), and single sentence (6).

The latest particularly nonsensical one being that doctors make more money treating Covid cases, thus explaining the ever increasing case numbers. No other man who claimed to be a genius on medical matters seconded that theory.

It was not enough to lie in press conferences where he was plagued with snarky questions requesting evidence for statements of Trumpian alternative facts, by unpatriotic members of the fake news cabal seeking to overturn the fair and free 2016 election that he won with a minority of voters.

He also especially enjoyed lying on Twitter, his favorite place to discuss issues in depth, often lying about both sides of an issue on the same tweet.

It was not enough to have called the deadly virus the flu that would be over by April. For weeks he was reporting the bug was finally rounding the corner and coming down the tunnel with its headlights on. Thanks to him, last week he was able to announce in a press release: the war was over! He had won the war. USA USA also won. So what if an American citizen was still dying every 90 seconds from Covid, according to CNN.

He also was first to call the other leading scientific authority, Dr. Fauci, an idiot. If re-elected, he would fire that fakir.

His other firsts include spending the most time in the East Wing watching cable TV news every morning, not reaching his desk in the Oval Office until 11:30, just in time to take calls from other tyrants and taking lunch in the McDonald’s branch in the West Wing. He also was first in taking vacation days off (270) and visiting his hotel and golf clubs at taxpayers’ expense.

Space limitations prevent a fuller list. Suffice it to say, he already clinched the Keith Olbermann Worse and Worst – both –Person in the World bauble.

It’s may be premature, but he is also a leading candidate to unseat James Buchanan as the dumbest president in our history.

And now the last blow to the man’s reputation is rounding the corner, coming down the tunnel with the lights blazing: losing a fraudulent election, a fraud, a sham, a hoax organized by the left wing fascist radical anarchist agitator looter Democrats to make him look bad.

He knew it was not going to be an honest election, which he defines as one that he wins.

All of this is what happens, in my opinion as a leading Republican strategist and the Pundit of the Year, when you elect an inexperienced, incompetent, genius of a businessman and deal maker with only six bankruptcies to his name, a man who is a total idiot. It was something that could only happen in a democratic country ruled by 34.9 percent of the people, a minority better known as  “the base,” not all of whom are also idiots. Some are morons, imbeciles, and cretins. This not to say there are not some nice people in the base.

President Donald’s greatest achievement of all might be that he has made it hard for a brainless idiot to run for president again.

As Kermit the frog, my favorite political analyst, put it, “ It isn’t easy being green.”

Marvin Kitman
November 3, 2020

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CC-licensed caricature of Donald Trump by DonkeyHotey

Dear Bill,

First of all, thank you for your service.

Can we talk?

Your guy is going to lose. He told us that himself. The election is rigged. It’s a fraud, a scam, a hoax, perpetrated by the anarchist agitator far left radical socialist Democrats and their tools, the fake news media.

He’s going to blame you for not arresting all of them. Remember what happened to Jeff Sessions, when he recused himself from the Russian collusion thing?

Jeff was only doing his duty, following the law, he said. What a lame excuse!

We realize you haven’t wanted to seem like one of the rats leaving a sinking ship by resigning. Your loyalty to your client is impressive. But he’s going to leave you holding the bag, sir, as we of The Justaminutemen warned in our last intelligence briefing (10/25/20).

As his personal lawyer, as well as your other job as the AG, you know the crimes your client has committed in his four years in office. I will spare you the litany. Tax fraud alone will see him in the courts as long as that other American icon that had a tax thing. The Al Capone trial of 1931–2, as you recall, ended with the distinguished Chicago businessman and casino operator getting eleven years in Federal prison (Alcatraz).

People are confused about where this potential fugitive flight risk is going and why in the five flights he took in a two-day period on Air Farce One last week.

They say he thinks he needs to solidify his “base!’

Come on now, not even the most stupid president we have had since James Buchanan must know that doesn’t make sense politically.

By definition, a base is a solid thing. It doesn’t move around. That’s why it’s called a base.

This base especially isn’t going anywhere. In this land of Gulliblesylvania, a democratic country ruled by 34.9 percent of the people, a minority who gave us a president of some of the people for all the time, still believes he can shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue for defacing the street in front of Trump Tower with the slogan “Black Lives Matter” and still get four more years to make America great.

We don’t have to tell your boss he’s done a great job. In only four years he has managed to turn the greatest democracy ever invented, formerly a non-profit entity, into a cash cow for him and his family.

“Moo, moo,” say the members of the once Grand Old Party (GOP).

Whatever has come the Trump Family way using his hotels and golf clubs for conducting public business, and billing the nation, that’s only fair, as he sees it. His time in public service has cost him and his family a fortune. As the genius businessman and dealmaker he could have added to his laurels of six bankruptcies.

He knows what is written on the prison wall: mena, mena, mena. He has a Plan B.

Our usually reliably informed sources say he is conducting a private lottery to select which country will have the honor of serving as his retirement home. The rules for the contest include 1. It must be a country without an extradition treaty with USA.

The winner also will be the country whose economic policy is consistent with Donald’s principles: ask not what your country can do for you, but what it can do for me.

He has in his pocket every time he steps on board Air Farce One, our sources say, the names of six states that meet his requirements.

Leading in the race so far is the Democratic People’s Republic of Kazakhstan. “A very nice place,” explains good will ambassador, Borat. “We have nice hotels and golf courses. I will check we not having an extradition treaty with U.S. People of Americans.”

Should Kazakhstan win this bauble, the people will be saluting their newest émigré in what Ambassador Borat says is his country’s national drink: four glasses of fermented horse urine.

You will go down in history as a jurisprudential hero, Mister Attorney General, instead of an Elsie the Cow. Lock him up, sir, before he flies the coop!

Your fan,

PFC Marvin Kitman (Ret.)
Justaminuteman Nat’l HQ
c/o General Delivery
Somewhere in Northern New Jersey

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CC-licensed caricature of Bill Barr by DonkeyHotey

Dear Attorney General Barr, sir:

We of the Justaminutemen organization salute your dedication to law and order. Not since John Mitchell in the Nixon Administration have we had an AG so enamored of the rule of law.

We especially appreciate the attention you are giving to the problem of voter fraud.

It was great the way you cracked the case of the ballots thrown away in Pennsylvania. True, it was only nine of the six million expected to be cast in the Keystone State on Election Day, and they were immediately tracked down and counted by election officials. But nine is nine too many in a fair and free election.

We admire your guts in making the highly unusual suggestion of invoking sedition laws against cities like Seattle, Portland and New York where anarchists, agitators and Democrats used the city streets to exercise their rights as citizens, as it has been said, is actually a left wing fascist conspiracy to overthrow the Republic.

We would be even more impressed with your conduct under fire in these troubled times that instead of threatening peaceful citizens with jail —Congress stipulates up to 20 years in Federal prison—if you paid attention to the seditious activities of a more serious threat to our democracy.

We are talking, sir, about our president.

Forget that notorious socialist, Sleepy Joe Biden and his radical leftist fascist anarchist agitators! POTUS has done more than Uncle Joe Stalin and his evil spawn, like the president’s best friend, Vlad the Poisoner, to undermine the American way of democratic government.

He has turned the greatest democracy ever invented, a first world nation that had been the envy of other democracies, into one of those Third World shithole countries, as he calls them, which hold so-called “elections.”

He has done our country a monstrous disservice by questioning the integrity of our electoral process, calling our coming election dishonest, a fraud, a scam, rigged and invalid—even before ballots are cast. He has redefined the meaning of an “honest election.” If he isn’t winning, as the polls suggest, ipso facto it means it is dishonest. A priori, he is turning us into Belarus.

We of the Justaminutemen tell you, sir, we are no Belarus!

Your esteemed colleague Donald is refusing to commit to a peaceful transfer of power after the election, something that has worked for us since the election of 1789.

He is urging his volunteer poll watchers to go to the polls on Election Day with their AK-47’s locked and loaded to see if there is any funny business going on.

With the world’s greatest intelligence agencies, we don’t have to tell you what is going on. It’s all part of a QAnon plot to end democracy as we know it, “QAnon,” for all we know, being the code word for “the base.”

The plot sickens every day, as the president is flying around the country like a chicken with its head cut off in the family vehicle (Air Farce One), spreading the Covid virus to his base, the unmasked masses who are asses.

We are mentioning all of this now, sir, because as seen in the first TV debate POTUS is in the process of cracking up. The heckler –in- chief acted like an escaped maniac from a psychiatric institution who thinks he is Mussolini or Hitler refusing to follow the rules of a debate

He went berserk walking out of his “60 Minutes” with Lesley Stahl, something no president has done before.

And did you see him in the second debate this week with that shifty beady-eyed look of a rat seeking an exit strategy as he tried to sell his old lies about Covid? Somehow he manages to turn any question from the press, a tradition in any functioning democracy, into a third degree interrogation in a local police precinct back room

Just as your Donald’s fans at the rallies are suggesting that Joe Biden be locked up, along with Hillary, Obama and the entire radical leftist anarchist agitator Democrats, with all due respect sir, we are suggesting that the president be locked up during this critical last week of the campaign.

His Big October Surprise might be flying off in Air Farce One to some country without an extradition treaty with USA. It could even be China, where he has money stashed away in his First National People’s Republic bank account.

Anything is possible in the Last Hurrah of the comedy show starring Boss Donald as the Acting President, co-starring The Gang That Couldn’t Loot Straight.

There are those who say you remind them of Deputy Dawg and his loyalty to the Sheriff in this cartoon of an administration. But we of the Justaminutemen trust in your doing your duty as the best Attorney General we have.

The least you can do, sir, is take away the keys to the family vehicle (Air Farce One) until the election crisis is over.

Yours for more law and less disorder,

Marvin Kitman, JAG, JMM
October 25, 2020

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CC-licensed caricature of Bill Barr by DonkeyHotey (from a photo by Shane T. McCoy / U.S. Marshals)